Ramrod’s my name, and predicting the future’s my game. When someone asks me ‘Hey, according to your very helpful Yahoo competitive totals, I noticed that I was a little low on 3PTM last week. Which widely available waiver-wire option would be the best solution for my splashing woes?’, I merely send them a link, because I am terrified of using my mouth to converse. Online correspondence, however? I’m all for it!! To the predictions!! PS. I only recommend players that are owned in fewer than 40% of Yahoo leagues. This is chess, not checkers SON!!
Reggie Jackson – Oklahoma City – PTS – Owned in 29%
Mr. December should win Mr. Consistent because his game logs look as similar as real logs. From a distance, of course. Wordsmith. Real talk, I am personally offended he isn’t owned in more leagues. Increasing his rate of ownership gives me purpose. Hoard his PTS while they’re still available.
Kirk Hinrich – Chicago – AST + STL – Owned in 33%
Derrick Rose is not coming back. Put your opinion of wrist tattoos aside and roster this man. Although he’s currently passing to terrible, terrible players, Jimmy Butler made his return this weekend and Luol Deng should join them very soon. They will splash. Kirk will enable their splashing. Enable Kirk enable you. Roster this man.
Jeremy Lamb – Oklahoma City – 3PTM + PTS – Owned in 5%
Sleepy Brown, the man worth a James Harden, has been pretty productive the past couple weeks. Well, as productive as a colossal trade bust can be. If Thabo Sefolosha continues to have knee issues, Lamb should get enough open looks to be a decent source of 3s + PTS.
Kentavious Caldwell-Pope – Detroit – 3PTM – Owned in 19%
Look at that picture!!! Do not give KCP space!! He will attempt a lay-up IMMEDIATELY!! Among their mediocre 3PTM wingers, Kyle Singler should be their go-to, but Maurice Cheeks has a reputation of incompetence to uphold. They seem committed to giving KCP a chance. Do the same until the Pistons do not.
Jared Dudley – LA Clippers – 3PTM + STL – Owned in 31%
Apparently Jared Dudley was in Movie 43, because he’s the perfect amount of funny for Movie 43. Athlete funny, which, on the hilarity scale, ranks below transcripts of Jeff Dunham “comedy” specials. Also in Movie 43? Corey Brewer. Huh. Dudley has been struggling with his shot, but the Clippers are so thin at the wing, he will continue to get opportunities to shoot himself out of his slump. Expect 3PTM. Expect STL. Expect “fun”. It’s J-DUD!!
Mike Dunleavy – Chicago – 3PTM + PTS + REB + AST + STL – Owned in 20%
Over the past seven days, only 4 players made competitive contributions in all 6 counting categories. One was Dirk Nowitzki. Another was Josh Smith. A third was Mike Dunleavy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Mike Dunleavy has great muscle definition. I don’t care who knows it!!
Nick Young – LA Lakers – 3PTM + PTS – Owned in 28%
The Lakers do not employ a healthy PG. Kobe Bryant has been masquerading, because the Lakers wish to entertain. Whether they entertain with success or with “the Hindenburg flying into your drunk uncle’s genitals” failure, spectacle is their BRAND. Kobe Bryant playing the point is entertaining. Kobe Bryant passing to Nick Young is entertaining. Benefit from the entertainment. ROSTER SWAGGY P!!
Marvin Williams – Utah – 3PTM + PTS + REB + AST + STL – Owned in 12%
Marvin “The man that could have been Chris Paul but isn’t Chris Paul, he’s Marvin Williams. GET OVER IT!!” Williams is as offended by his low rate of ownership as Atlanta fans are by the distinct lack of Chris Pauls on their roster. But seriously, that’s not his middle name. It’s Gaye. Isn’t that clever. About as clever as the owners of Marvin Williams in a standard Yahoo Fantasy Basketball League. PICK HIM UP!! HE DOES A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING A LITTLE BIT WORSE THAN CHRIS PAUL!!
Derrick Williams – Sacramento – 3PTM + PTS + REB + STL – Owned in 21%
Williams has been playing well since being traded from Minnesota. With his ability to hit the three, he seems to be a better fit at PF than Jason Thompson. Hopefully he’s able to get enough minutes and shots to stay valuable once Rudy Gay starts doing Rudy Gay things.
Alec Burks – Utah – PTS – Owned in 26%
The Jazz have a number of wing players that only a fantasy baller could love. Alec Burks is one of them. He occasionally scores PTS at an above-average rate. You should pick him up in anticipation of such an episode.
Luis Scola – Indiana – PTS + REB – Owned in 26%
Luis Scola is the one on the left. His hair is as straight as his shooting eye, which is as straight as I am when I say that Mike Dunleavy has great muscle definition. It’s a fact. Look it up.
Jordan Hill – LA Laker – PTS + REB – Owned in 26%
Jordan Hill has great hair.
Josh McRoberts – Charlotte – PTS + REB + AST – Owned in 18%
Josh McRoberts plays for Charlotte, but as far as I’m concerned, he will always be a chubby, shaggy-haired scamp from Indiana. Take it from Josh, if you want people to forget you went to Duke, alter your grooming/training habits till you eventually look like you’d wear a T-Shirt in the pool. People can’t hate that guy. WE ARE THAT GUY!! Real talk now, only three C-eligible players have averaged more than 4 APG this season. One is Marc Gasol. The other is Kevin Love. The third? JOSH MCROBERTS!! OWN THIS GUY!!
Here’s the team for December 16-22: